With the shock of a mass murder in America (Santa Barbara, CA) sending most folks into mourning, a cacophony of blame against anything non-PC, like the NRA, is spewing like volcanic ash from the parents of the multi-weapon assassin.
Don’t think for a minute this duo failed as parents, because that would mean they took responsibility for having such a jerk for a kid.
If you’re a liberal, you never waste a crisis.
In light of the 50 Senate Democrats who’ve written to the NFL to request a team change their offensive sounding name, maybe all the Football monikers are as much to blame for problems in America as the Redskins.
Using the six degrees of separation rule as my limit, let’s take each team, one at a time, and see what kind of blame we can heap on them…Oops I said “heap”…you know, as in…”heap big”….very insensitive of me.
Here we go:
Baltimore Ravens-Edgar Allen Poe, Remember the Raven, Nevermore, Too Judgmental.
Buffalo Bills-Bill Coty, Hunted Bison, Not a Vegan.
Cincinnati Bengals-Stripes, Prisoners Who Wear Them, The System is Rigged.
Cleveland Browns-Too Close to the Color Black, They Have an Owner, Sounds Like Slavery to Me.
Denver Broncos– White Ranchers from Texas Try to Break Them, They Prefer to Run Free, Like Women Without Bras.
Houston Texans-George W. Bush is a Fan. (Dishonorable Mention…City Once Hosted The Oilers)
Indianapolis Colts-See Denver Broncos…Think Veal.
Jacksonville Jaguars-European Car with Too Many Cylinders, Leather Seats.
Kansas City Chiefs-Would Native American Chiefs Play Anything but Lacrosse?
Miami Dolphins-Too Sad, So Many in Tuna-Fish Cans.
New England Patriots-Minute Men, Muskets, Second Amendment. (1’st Prize…or last, depending on perspective)
New York Jets-Not Until We Can Fly Them Without Fossil Fuels.
Oakland Raiders -Pirate On Helmet Looks Like White European, Plus He’s Vision Impaired.
Pittsburgh Steelers -Mills, Ozone Layer, America’s a Mean Country for Using Up Too Many Resources.
San Diego Chargers-Coal Fired Plants, Making Artificial Electric Lightning Bolts.
Tennessee Titans-Implies Little People are Inferior.
Arizona Cardinals-Think Roman Catholic Cardinals, Men Standing Up Against a Woman’s Right to Kill Her Kid(s).
Atlanta Falcons-Ford Made a Falcon, It Got Really Bad MPG.
Carolina Panthers-Since They’re Just Panthers, and Not “Black Panthers,” That’s Racist.
Chicago Bears-Too Many in Circuses, Dancing on the Outside, Crying on the Inside.
Dallas Cowboys-Clint Eastwood Movies…We Hate Him Now.
Detroit Lions-Christians, Bragging About Being Eaten By Them, Making Atheists Feel Guilty.
Green Bay Packers-Cheese They Packed Isn’t Labeled “No GMO’s.”
Minnesota Vikings-Handsome Blonde Men with Blue Eyes, Making Couples from Northampton Uncomfortable. (You probably won’t get that one, but I just cracked myself up.)
New Orleans Saints-Implies Everyone Else is a Sinner, There’s No Such Thing.
New York Giants-Stole Their Name from a Baseball Team, Before Number 42 Was Retired. (No offense Jackie…you were a great Republican.)
Philadelphia Eagles-Like Waving An American Flag in the Face of a Mexican.
San Francisco 49ers-Too Much Sifting Through Streams, Leaving Traces.
Seattle Seahawks-So Many Died During the Exxon Valdez Oil Spill in 1989, It’s Just Too Soon.
St. Louis Rams-Abraham Sacrificed One, Instead of His Son Isaac, Too Messianic.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers-See Oakland Raiders, Except These Pirates Wear Orange, Which is Kinda Metro…So…Not as Bad.
Washington Redskins–See Harry Reid’s New Book, Defending Elizabeth Warren.