New Movie–House Sitting the Nuclear Weapons

27 years ago my cousin and his wife left the country to adopt their son.

Since I was single at the time, they asked me to watch the house.

I stayed there a week.

Like a dunce–I locked myself out one morning, leaving the key inside.

Pretty embarrassing–and in the non cell phone days, I had no way of calling, to see if there was a hidden key somewhere.

Breaking into the house was not an option…my job was to prevent such things.

I stood outside and thought to myself, “cousin Mike is my height, if he had an emergency spare key hidden–where would it be?”

I walked into his one car garage and slid my hand across the top of the wall, closest to their side door, just under the rafters.

Bingo…spare key.

Once I calmed down, it took less than two minutes to figure out the mystery.

The President, in his infinite wisdom and vast military experience, has announced he’d like to reduce our nuclear weapons arsenal by 80%.

He’s had three years to think about this.

One percent of all Americans cheered, you know who I mean, the folks at your town square holding up NO NUKES signs.

There’s another fringe group in the President’s pocket for the election.

In the meantime, the rest of us, who trusted him to guard our house from intruders, are watching him not just misplace the key, but hand it over to the worst criminals the world has to offer.

With despots like Badmood Uglymanjihad a.k.a. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in Iran, promising to drop nukes on Israel a.s.a.p., how can we sit back and relish these thoughts of peace through ignorance?

How would cousin Mike have felt about me if he returned home and found his house had been burglarized?

Suspicion of my motives would be hard to quell.

Mr. President, my wild mind can’t help but think that maybe you really are a secret agent for the Muslim cause.

There’s no other explanation for it.

I really don’t get how you think.





I hate the danger and precedents being set, but with the clock running out on the President, I like our chances of a new Administration coming in.

Just for fun, let’s make him say the Lord’s Prayer–in public–if you remember the Salem Witch Trials, as soon as he stumbles, we can gather up a bunch of sticks…

You know the rest.

Just kidding Mr. President, we love you…just like we love it when a really scary horror movie finally comes to an end.


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