My “Coming Out” Confession

Now that the most powerful institution on earth, the United States Military, has made it chic to confess ones’ deepest sexual thoughts, I feel it only fair that I confess mine.

It happened in front of the television, in the early 60’s.

I was born this way and anyone who says otherwise would be using hate speech.

There they were, in full Technicolor, on my mom and dad’s RCA.

When I saw them dance, ballet-like, with their huge smiles, giant feathers and kaleidoscope shapes, formed with costumes and leg kicks, revealed by overhead camera angles, I could not deny what I was feeling inside.

Yes, it was the Jackie Gleason show and I fell in love with all (16) of the June Taylor Dancers.

I decided right then and there that I was different.

I desired in my heart to marry all those women at one time.

These same feelings overcame me again a  few years later when introduced to the (24) Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.

I could not help myself.

I needed tolerance and understanding for the way I was born.

Yet, I was afraid to tell others I was a poly-hetero-sexual.

I made that word up, but it’s real to me.

As time went on, I began to fight for my rights.

How could seventeen consenting adults love for one another ever hurt anyone?

We deserved equality under the law.

The issue was completely one of civil rights.

In my mind it was only a matter of time before I too would be allowed, just like my newly liberated same-sex brethren, the right to share my social security check with the (16) or (24) people I loved.

I didn’t care about those bigoted extremists who said I was immoral.

I also wanted to force the rest of America to take poly-hetero-sexual sensitivity training.

The public schools, beginning of course with kindergarten, would be the best place to start.

I even wrote a children’s book called Daddy Has Sixteen Rings, Thank God He Has Toes.

Then something happened that turned me around.

I attended a Catholic Mass and heard a Scripture that rocked my world.

“Maybe I’d better rethink this,” I thought.

I don’t want to be banned from heaven!

It sure did hurt at first, but finally, I saw the error of my ways and asked God to help me repent.

Here’s the verse from 1 Corinthians 6 that grabbed me.

9Do you not know that the unrighteous and the wrongdoers will not inherit or have any share in the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the impure and immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor those who participate in homosexuality,

10Nor cheats (swindlers and thieves), nor greedy graspers, nor drunkards, nor foulmouthed revilers and slanderers, nor extortioners and robbers will inherit or have any share in the kingdom of God.

It shook me to the core.

(And I was just about to start using a cool PC acronym too…darnit!)

I’ll always be a poly-hetero-sexual (PHS), but thanks to God’s forgiving ways and the power of prayer, (that includes the serenity prayer) I’m sober and happily married to a fine and very tolerant woman.

Every now and then I’m tempted a bit, especially during Patriots or Celtics games on TV, (sideline shots are a real Cross for me) but our love for one another is stronger than ever.

Thank you Lord that your rules for personal behavior are clear.

With your help, all of us with “issues,” can find forgiveness and be cleansed by your blood.

You are great because you want to forgive us, just like it says in 1 John 1:9

9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Amen.

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